Heartbreaking
I have just finished Dave Eggers first book A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius (I know, how pathetically late am I?) I’ve started four new books already and I can’t seem to figure out which one is going to win out and get read first. I didn’t get nearly as much reading done over the holiday as I planned, partly due to the overwhelming number of family and social functions Ben and I attended, and partly from the new plan I have up my sleeve which I have been working out over the break.
But Egger’s A.H.W.O.S.G (as the book is referred to at the top of each page) was timely for me this season. Firstly it taught me how to write in the way that one thinks. Egger’s approach is very stream of consciousness and while I did find this a bit annoying after a while, I did really love the first few pages that got me into his brain.
I also learned a bit about writing dialogue which I’ve been struggling with a bit. Egger’s likes to write dialogue without the repetitive “he says” or “she remarks with a smile” which I found was always slowing me down and sounding really forced. Here’s an example (page 254):
“Hey, you can’t wear that hat.”
“What do you mean?” he says.
“We’re wearing the same hat. You have to take yours off.”
“No, you. My hair will look weirder.”
“No it won’t.”
“Yes it will. Your hair’s still straight. You know what I look like with hat-head.”
“Too bad.”
“What?”
“No.”
“C’mon. Please?”
“No.”
“Toph.”
“Fine.”
“Thanks.”
“Freak.”
——-
I don’t recall seeing dialogue written like this before. Maybe I have but the dialogue was longer, and I didn’t really notice. But I like this. It reads like a screenplay, like banter, like real human conversation.
But there is another reason this book had impact on me this season. A.H.W.O.S.G is about family who suddenly loses both of their parents to illness and their struggle to cope after the fact. Fittingly my father told me on Christmas Day that he has been diagnosed with Leukemia. And after leaving dinner that night and screaming tears at the windshield for five minutes sitting in an empty Tim Horton’s parking lot, I just felt a little lost. But this book was a bit of comfort after all of that, as most good books are. We turn bad into good and reach out to others, in blogs, in books, in art and music.
So I will keep writing.
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Tags: books, cancer, dave eggers, dialogue, writing
I finished a story this weekend (say hooray!). It’s not the first but was the only one I really had solidified in my mind before I wrote it. In fact I have been working on it since August even though I have only been putting the words to paper for the past three weeks. That’s a record for me.
I once redesigned the entire joe.ca website in a week. And I was extremely happy with the results. When I talked to my boss about how quickly I did it she said to me: “You didn’t design that site in a week. You’ve been working on it for years.” And it was true. Ruminating in my head for years working on the brand I had known every little thing that the site needed and I when it came down to putting it all down it was easy. Deceptively effortless.
But interestingly enough, this is the kind of work for which we get the least amount of credit; from others or ourselves. We refuse to admit that it takes time to think and it’s the thinking and relaxing that bring great things about in writing, art, and music. I am constantly self-reprimanding for not writing enough, not reading enough, not doing enough – all of which can make me a little self-loathing once and awhile. We think that when we finally have a few free hours we should be able to sit down and write a masterpiece. And then we don’t and then we think that we are crap and should probably just stop trying, watch TV and have a baby instead. I’m being serious.
Ben and I are both struggling through this. He with his music and I with my writing. I am trying to teach him and myself in the process that it is okay to sit down for an hour or two and produce nothing. That in that nothing something will come eventually. That I will write twenty stories, and he twenty songs before there is only one that is good. Maybe a hundred. But the point is to not give up. Not give in to distraction. To movies and facebook and books and doing the dishes and planning dinner for Christmas Eve. Just write. Just play. If only for a few hours.
Something great has got to come from it eventually.
Filed under: advertising, beautiful, books, life, writing | 2 Comments
Tags: books, determination, discipline, distraction, faith, joe fresh, joe.ca, music, patience, stories, writing
Reading Like a Writer
I have been writing on and off for about ten years. Yes. Ten. And for the most part, except for a few art and music reviews in the university newspaper, I’ve done nothing about it. I finally let Ben read a few of my stories the other night. The second time I’ve shared any of my fiction writing with anyone. So far the feedback is positive. But then, how could it not be? Would anyone who loves me say “You suck sweetie. Sorry, but you better stick to advertising”? I hope they would. But I desperately believe them that I must keep going.
I made a decision a while back to not take any classes in writing. All classes are really good for is to give you deadlines, motivation, and have someone with some experience give you feedback. But as I learned in art school, I could get this by looking at paintings, copying (and changing) and being self-critical. I have made a successful career out of being an art director and designer in advertising. I’ve never taken a course in either.
But I do believe that there are resources that can help. I write, but fiction writing is a whole other beast (as is advertising copy, which I can’t do for the life of me). Characters, voices, narration, dialogue, scene, plot, chapters – it’s all a new way to write for me. I am used to essays, non-fiction, journal writing. All in the first person.
So I picked up a few notable books on writing. And for the would-be writers out there I would highly recommend Francine Prose’s “Reading like a Writer.” Believe it or not, I was so inspired by this book, that as I finished it, while waiting for the moving truck to arrive to move me in with my boyfriend, I cried.
As a writing teacher Ms. Prose grapples with this same conundrum: how to teach people how to write. But what she boils everything down to is reading. The more you read, the better you write. Every author has a different style, a different approach. The beauty is in the sentence, the paragraph, the right word. Read close. Re-read. And then read again. She pulls excerpts from some of the most unique and valuable books ever written, breaks them down, and makes sense of why they work so well. And why, your writing is probably crap and has to get better.
I wrote this excerpt in my journal after I finished the book:
“If we wanted to grow roses, we would want to visit rose gardens and try to see them the way a rose gardener would.”
Keep reading.
Filed under: books, inspiring, made me smile, writing | 1 Comment
Tags: writing
Desperate for a solution
It’s a bit strange that my last two posts have been about the TV shows I’m watching; especially when I’m such a huge advocate of not watching TV. But there are a few shows I do watch, and one of my “brainless” shows is Desperate Housewives. I’ve only recently started watching it, now in it’s sixth season but I’ve found that aside from the silliness and casual manner around murder, suicide and adultery, there are a few issues that are relevant to my own life. The most current episodes have one very interesting subplot about women in the workplace.
Lynette, a very strong yet neurotic character (not unlike myself) finds herself in a very powerful position in her company, promoted and doing a great job when (ha ha!) she finds out she is pregnant. At 40. With twins. She hides the pregnancy from her boss (Carlos) so that she can take the promotion and continue to do her job. This goes on for a few episodes where she proves her value and lands a number of different big accounts. Then through a series of events he finds out she is pregnant, that she “lied” or misled him, and goes out of his way to force her to quit by giving her another promotion in another city, by forcing her to work in a small room in the basement, and by giving her loads of work she couldn’t possibly do in a timely manner.
So this is television drama, and for the most part is highly exaggerated. But it brings up an interesting issue of women in powerful positions who have children. Ben is constantly telling me that you can have it all. But really, I don’t think either of us know anything until it will actually happen. I see countless women leave advertising after they have their first child and most women who are creative directors don’t have any kids at all. The imbalance today for women is so extreme. A good friend of mine, a very smart and powerful woman has a child and is expecting another. She is trying desperately to juggle it all but something as simple as a delay in traffic can make or break her day in an instant. Five dollars a minute is what it costs if you pick up your kid late from daycare. For myself I can barely cope with the stress of work. I can’t even imagine what it is like with a child.
So here is the catch we all face. Women under thirty who focus on having families and no careers are seen by those of us who do as a bit sad. We are judgmental of them, that they don’t have their own careers or personal fulfillment. Yet the women who do have amazing careers find themselves often without time or energy to devote to relationships, never mind weddings, families or kids. Then these women find themselves at thirty-five and perhaps in a situation where they could consider children and then find out they cannot because they waited too long. And then again, we are sad for them. So somewhere between thirty (if hopefully you’ve nailed some awesome successful career) and thirty-five you have to get (married, hopefully) and pregnant. But even if you do, and all things are good, the chances are by the time you are back after a year of changing diapers, someone has taken your job, technology has changed and now (especially in advertising) you are no longer the one who can stay late for a big pitch, because you have to pick up the baby from daycare.
I have to believe there is a solution. Afterall I’m a “solutions-oriented person.” That’s what makes me good at my job. But it does make me wonder, if it’s all going to end at some point anyway, why in the world am I working so hard?
Filed under: advertising, day in. day out., life, women | 2 Comments
Tags: children, desperate housewives, family, inequality, infertility, women, workplace
H1N1 – Chop off it’s head!
The other day Ben and I were watching the episode of the Tudors in which England succumbs to the so called “sweating sickness.” Now of course, this is a semi-fictional show but it reminded us of the fear and hype around H1N1 especially here in Toronto. This morning I’m hearing of hundreds of people lining up to get the vaccine at Metro Hall in what seems like a mass panic to get vaccinated. While I myself hope at some point to get the vaccine, I’m surprised that no one is talking about anything other than chemical vaccines and purelle. What about good old fashioned eating well and exercise? Maybe try getting more sleep? Take your vitamins, avoid large crowds and binge drinking. I am no doctor but this seems like common sense to me. There are so many ways to boost your immunity and take care of your health and it would be helpful to remind people of this in the wake of waiting for the vaccine.
In the episode of the Tudors, Henry VIII has an intense discussion with his doctor; Henry, certain that magical “infusions” will prevent him from getting the sickness is humbly contradicted by his doctor who says in so many words that “eating apples and exercise” seems to be what is curing people. It was a funny poke at the ignorance around viruses and disease in the 15th and 16th centuries. And yet even though we know so much more now, we seem to only be talking about getting the beaten up virus into our bodies as the only means of prevention.
Take care of yourselves. Eat green leafy veggies. Eat immune boosting fruits. Take a plant based organic vitamin. Go for a walk outside. Do some yoga at home if you don’t want to go to a class full of people. Take echinacea. Don’t drink too much. Let’s not be like Henry and think that only the potion is the cure. It’s so very medieval.
Filed under: world | Leave a Comment
Tags: flu, H1N1, henry VIII, medieval, panic, swine flu, toronto, tudors, virus
Happiness is like a butterfly.
When Ben and I were first dating I would sometimes try to find something wrong with him. He would in those instances, turn to me and ask if I was just trying to make drama and find some reason to not be happy. And then I would admit he was right (which he would then promptly reply with “well, I’m always right.”) And when I wasn’t trying to create unnecessary drama, we would often arrive at some intense moment and look at each other in awe, wondering how this perfect union could have happened. And then Ben would say “because we deserve it.” And then I would think he was right again. Because maybe after all the bad relationships and the countless times I’ve felt trodden on, the grueling childhood and the constant search for an answer, I had finally found it.
But happiness is a complex subject. I’ve already written so much today that I’m currently wondering why I even wanted to broach the subject. I guess I just feel happy and I want to savour the moment. Because this feeling seems to come and then it goes again. When this time arrives of getting exactly what I dreamed of, it seems to evaporate almost instantly, replaced by new dreams and new wants. But I suppose this is what life is… a constant pursuit of happiness. I have turned to my writing, my love, my friends, my design, and it seems that as a result the elusive butterfly has landed. But who knows how long she will stay there.
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Tags: happiness, poem, thoreau
This is not the version I read, this one is beautifully typeset.
A few weeks ago, my Parisian friend Melanie came to stay with me for her first ever trip to North America. She had planned a trip down to New York City and the night before she left, while doing the dishes, we joked that in order for me to write my first novel, it was imperative that I stay in my apartment. That is, to not move in with my boyfriend, and to keep my own room. I had agreed, putting a plate away and looking around my cosy flat, thinking “yes, this will be the place.” By the time Melanie came back to Toronto five days later I had signed a one year lease with Ben for a gorgeous apartment just west of Little Italy.
I didn’t question my judgment. It was a natural decision with everything aligning so perfectly it seemed ludicrous to say “no, love of my life, I can’t move in with you, I must write a novel first.” But it did prompt me to pick out of my bookshelves, a tiny used copy of Virginia Woolf’s “A Room of One’s Own,” to find out what kind of mistake I might have made. I have no idea when I bought this book, or even if I did, but I do know that it had been sitting there unread for several years. And I know why. The typesetting is atrocious, and I couldn’t bring myself to read it. But this time around I forced my way through the tight leading and was glad I did.
What I first learned is that I haven’t made a mistake. In fact, I will have my own room, a library and a writing desk and Ben will have his own too. One down. Next was the “500 a year” that had been bestowed on Ms. Woolfe by her dead great-aunt. I have had no such luck in my life. I have been working girl since the age of thirteen, but I was curious to know what the minimum amount of money a writer (or artist or musician) would need in order to:
…possess yourselves of money enough to travel and to idle, to contemplate the future or the past of the world, to dream over books and loiter at street corners and let the line of thought dip deep into the stream.
In 1929, when the book was first published, she says a woman would need five hundred pounds a year. That this money would give her the freedom and independence to write. But what would five hundred pounds a year in 1929 be in the year 2009 with inflation and changes in cost of living? Enter Google Search Results: Inflation Calculator. First I converted 500 pounds to Canadian dollars using my iGoogle widget. Answer:
$864.67 (So Ms. Woolf would have needed to write $865 CAD a year if she had been living in Canada)
Enter $864.67 into the nifty inflation calculator , hit calculate. Answer:
$864.67 in 1929 had about the same buying power as $10,630.38 in 2009. Annual inflation over this period was about 3.19%.
So according to Virginia Woolf, I would need to make a salary of just under $11,000 a year income in order to free myself enough time to “dream over books.” I think it’s likely that the number is higher since a single person living in a big city in Canada making less than $20,337 is considered “in poverty.” Whatever the actual number is that Ms.Woolf is suggesting, the point was that almost all successful writers had some means of support, or money-generation, which gained them access to education and the time to worry more about human nature and less about supper. So a woman, if she is to write, must have the opportunity to make her own money and maintain her independence within a patriarchal society.
In my case I realized things were quite different than they were for my counterparts in 1929. I have always had, much to my dismay sometimes, the opportunity to work and make my own money. So, it occurred to me that it was not the independence from a man (or men) that I needed, but rather an independence from the social invention of the average work-week, the grueling nine-to-seven, the hours spent that take me further and further away from traveling, or reading books, or loitering on street corners. And so miraculously, eighty years later, after women’s liberation, the sexual revolution, and the invention of computers and iphones, Ms. Woolfe’s words in this tiny poorly typeset book still ring true: that without money to buy food and space, and space to be alone and to think, to write anything at all would be an impossibility. But how much of that money you need is truly the million dollar question.
Filed under: books, inspiring | 2 Comments
Tags: a room of one's own, authors, books, feminism, inflation, virginia woolf, writing
this american life
Being a David Sedaris fan, I had heard about This American Life; but I had never listened to it. This weekend a friend sent me an episode called “Fall Guy” and I was immediatly hooked. This morning, Wade sent me this series of videos by Ira Glass, the radio host of This American Life. I was so inspired by his words, I had to share. Enjoy!
Filed under: art, inspiring | 2 Comments
Tags: inspiring, ira glass, this american life
my new favourite band : Lacrosse
Why I always ending up loving Swedish bands I will never know. Check out my new favourite band. I can’t get enough of them. Thanks to Notzl for tunes. I’m adding this to the likes of The Cardigans and Lykke Li; only one listen and I was hooked for life.
Filed under: beautiful, made me smile, music | Leave a Comment
Tags: amazing, band, lacrosse, music, swedish
shelby lee adams
I was doing a bit of research for a short story and remembered this photographer from a lecture I went to years ago. I still can’t get enough of the power in each of his photographs and how he was able to immerse himself so deeply into a culture to earn their trust. Here is a man who was truly passionate and devoted to his work. We can only aspire to be the same. Check out his blog here
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Tags: appalachia, inspiring, photography, shelbyleeadams, trust
